Let’s talk about spoons, baby…

Well, I started this post three weeks ago, and then had an attack of “am I whining?” again. I have come to this conclusion (thanks to my sister – yet again): I need to write this down. And rather than blanket my friends with my “whining” I would prefer to write it down here; if you don’t want to read it, then you don’t have to! My friends and family have been so wonderful to me in the last few years that I don’t know what I would have done without them, and I prefer not to have to burden them with my rants…!
Ok, so enough with the “whining” .
Let’s talk about spoons…
I myself have a theory, now that I have mulled over Christine’s spoon theory in my head for a while. Not an entirely new theory, but an addition to the spoon theory. I believe that there are different kinds of spoons. And that there are some spoons that can recharge. I’ll explain.
On a normal day when I wake up in the morning I count my spoons, and let’s say I have 12, just for a nice round even number. Getting out of bed takes 2, brushing my teeth and making breakfast for me and my family, there’s another 2, then getting the girls ready for school and me ready for work, well, that’s probably another 4. That’s 8 spoons already gone. Only 4 left to deal with the rest of the day, not good. On a normal day, I work from 9 – 12 with young children at a local school. That takes about 4 spoons. That’s it, they’re all gone. Time to recharge. I can get some spoons back, but not all of them, and not even a majority of them. When I get home from work, I must sleep. Not just wanting to have a nap, I am so exhausted that I can barely drive home from work. So, sleep I do. For 2 or 3 hours. One hour is not enough and anymore than 3 is way too much. It’s now 3 or 4 pm, and I have recharged, let’s say, 5 spoons (and that’s good!). Time to cook supper (2 spoons), take the girls to cadets or music (depending on the day) (3 spoons). And that’s it. I’m done, for the day. Keep in mind that even though I have recharged 5 spoons, they are only at half capacity. I call them rusty spoons at this point. They are far heavier and more cumbersome to carry around, and also tend to get stuck.
On a not-so-normal day, for example, a trip to the city, I count 12 spoons, but they are already heavy because I know I have to worry about driving (which I never do by myself), and worry about making it through what I know will be a long and heavy day. Environmental noise and “busy-ness” happen to be some of my triggers, I have known this for a couple of years now. Too many people, too much noise, or too small of an aisle in a store sets off the dizziness and does me in for a number of hours. So, by the time I have reached the city (an hour’s drive) I have used 4 or 5 spoons, between the effort and the worry. My friends have been really great at going with me when I need to go to the city. They know they will have to take over driving at some point in the day, as I will at some point just be DONE. My girls are also very understanding when I tell them they have to go into the mall by themselves. The mall is not a place I can enter very often, and if I have to go there on a bad day, I have to rent a wheelchair. Okay, so that’s 5 spoons gone, by about 10 am. Most times, all meals have to be drive-thru, as the restaurants are too busy, although we have been able to go into some early and miss the rush altogether. Certain stores I will not enter, and some I will enter but cannot be left alone. Canadian Tire and Walmart I will never enter on my own. Superstore I have major issues with. Smaller stores are much easier to deal with, especially if I know the owner and know the direct route to the bathroom. It’s now 3 pm and I have used up all my spoons. I sit out the next few stops in the car and try to rest. Whoever is lucky enough to be traveling with me that day is already in the driver’s seat. There is no recharging on a day like this, and for the next couple of days, my spoons are extremely rusty and heavy.
A lady that I have known for years recently stated in her Facebook status, that sleep is so important for someone with fibromyalgia, and yet people still tend to misunderstand and call her lazy. I worry about this as well. People who do not know me well, probably think the same of me, and I find I have to constantly convince myself that they don’t matter. Unless of course it’s an employer, then they do matter. Then you have the arduous task of trying to explain fibromyalgia and the general ins and outs, all the while trying not to sound incompetent or lazy. It’s NOT laziness. It’s a LACK OF SPOONS! Hehe, try explaining that one as well.
So the next time someone decides to ask me or tell me that I’m lazy, I will tell them to find out how many spoons they have at the beginning and end of every day and then come back and tell me how lazy I am. I hope that this would encourage them to do some research and in the process, gain some useful knowledge!